31 – booze, babies, and bills.

Well, it’s been a while. Years in fact since I sat down to write in this medium. Are blogs still relevant? Probably not, but maybe that makes it even better. Here goes…

My mind is wrapped around three things consistently these days:

  1. Do I drink too much? Am I an alcoholic?
  2. Pregnancy.
  3. Debt repayment and finances.

Alcohol. Alcoholic. Alcoholism.

Or am I totally normal? I have no idea what a completely normal relationship with alcohol even means. It’s everywhere in my life, literally, I’ve got bottles of wine under the seat of my car, in my living room, and let’s not get going on my office. It’s a hazard of being a wine sales rep.

For the last twoish years I’ve questioned my relationship with alcohol. I’ve thought about quitting, but haven’t been able to which in turn makes me re-question my relationship with alcohol. This anxiety inducing cyclic battle usually ends with me, three glasses of wine deep, quietly googling “first time at an AA meeting what should I expect” while my husband snores next to me. I want to blog about this more so I’ll leave this here as a place holder for further discussion.

This is the first time I’ve ever admitted my obsession with alcohol in any public or private capacity..

Baby. Babies. Fuck, diapers.

We’re officially trying. I could possibly have a zygote swimming it’s way to implantation right this very second. Which means I’m not pregnant, yet but could start could my 40 weeks. Yeah, I’m knee deep in first time mom reading.

All of the emotions surrounding the trying process. Trying for a baby fully amplifies the stress of my other two obsessions – $$ and alcohol. Again, I need to dig into my thought on trying more on a seperate post.

Bills. More bills. Why did I take that vacation?

With anxiety building in so many capacities right now, I’ve also felt out of control with my money. Blindly swiping my credit card and praying that it all works out at the end of them. I need to get it to-fucking-geather.

Listening to some financal Podcasts has made me realize that we are quite frivoulous with our money. I’d like to be 100% debt free in the next two years – which with some work is quite possiable. We’re about $40k in debt which equates to about $20k in payoff a year. I think it we can do it.

Sooooooo, there you have it. My top three right now. I’m going to dig into these and more, writing this has been soothing. We’ll see if I ever actually publish them publicly, but I may.

 

Love you! Love me.

 

 

 

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